Well, I'm back to school. No kids until next week, praise Bejeezuz, because I'm always a tad...um, I'll call it special as I get adjusted to the rigor of having a day job. I know, cue the violin, right? I have already managed to inadvertently flash my crack at coworkers, break a heel, and get caught by my principal doing a crossword puzzle when I should have been listening. But I could argue that odd things are bound to occur when you put over a hundred teachers in a petri dish, keeping them tied up for hours when all they can think about is how much they need that time to prepare. It's like a dangerous science experiment; eventually someone is gonna blow. Many of my friends are teachers themselves, but for those of you who are not, allow me to give you a glimpse into the life of a teacher before the children return.
Please pretend you are sitting in a room with a bunch of adults who do not want to be there. Now add a powerpoint. And a person droning on monotonously about things like "curriculum" and "bullying" and "assessments." The person next to you is snapping gum. The person in front of you is rolling her eyes in disgust. The person down the table is talking so loudly that you couldn't possibly ignore them even if you wanted to. Everyone is texting. You won't be told which handouts you will need to keep safe until you are randomly asked to produce them months later during some other inane (and seemingly unrelated) meeting. And you realize that could happen only after you doodle "This sucks" with little flowers all around it. You've asked your friends at your table "What do they want us to do?" only about twenty times because you don't listen to directions. You think your group might turn on you.
Wait a sec. You are the worst student ever.
Ever since I started working in this profession, I have heard that teachers are the worst students. And it's true. We defend our hypocrisy with the excuse that we are adults, but we can't seem to focus or act maturely, just like the kids we teach. And even though I know this to be true, I will still embark on the next week with the attitude that my students should pay attention and act respectfully. Sometimes I have to shake my head.
I don't mean to be this way, and I have to believe the kids might be a little more mature than we are. Ironic? Yes, I like to think so. While I firmly believe we are justified in our actions, I can't help but think rather ruefully that karma's a bitch. Let's just hope not too much of one.