Monday, October 8, 2012

Don't Ask Don't Tell...

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated.  I've been living in the world of "don't ask, don't tell."  I guess I should have realized when I was eating watermelon like I would never see another one again, that I was actually cultivating a future watermelon of my own.  I found out I was pregnant just a couple of weeks after I posted last time.  Then we decided to keep it a secret until we were out of the first trimester and I couldn't blog anything because the only thing on my mind that was surreal or funny or worthy of mention revolved around the only thing that I wasn't cleared to write about.

It was tough.  I suck at keeping secrets.  Which is why I took a few more weeks to really think about how I want to approach this subject on my blog because since I became pregnant I have realized something.  No one told me any of this stuff beforehand for a reason.  All the women you know who have experienced having a child are part of this world of "don't ask, don't tell."  It's like a crazy secret society where the all-knowing yoda-like mother people enigmatically nod and smile and talk about adorable babies and baby clothes, but they never really let on about the rest of it.  Unless you know the right questions to ask.

I could tell you the answers.  But then I'd have to kill you.

And actually, the few friends I've tried to confide in have (very maturely) stuck their fingers deep into their ears and yelled "lalalalala! I can't hear you!"  So I cruise message boards and resign myself to the fact that there's a limbo you must exist in when you're knocked up.  You want to relate to people who aren't ready to relate to you, and you resist relating totally to the only ones who can.

Don't get me wrong.  This is something I have always wanted; I am looking forward to it. And my friends who are resources in this stage of my life are dear to me.  But I hate hearing people tell me I won't be able to go to a movie for the next few years, so go now.  And to spend alone time with my husband while I can now.  And to enjoy doing the things I want when I want to now.  Because, evidently, I won't be able to do that stuff come late March (or ever again?!).  It's overwhelming.  Because I can't do all of that now.  I've been doing all that stuff and then some up until now.  Which has been 35 years.

Plus, all I can do now is sleep.  On my side (which no one ever told me about in advance). Because I'm growing a human.  So that's what has been going on.  Hopefully I will be able to bring some humor to this topic throughout the months to come, but sometimes it might get more serious than usual.  We can't wait to meet our addition to the nest!